Essay: Creating Trust & Safety
Is a safe space necessary before trust is in place or is trust necessary before safety is in place? Would you feel safe with a person you didn't trust? Would you trust a person you didn't feel safe with?
Let's say you were in a difficult situation where you needed help, and reached out to a colleague or friend for advice. You may trust their expertise, knowledge, or connections, but do they have to be a person that creates a safe space? For example, as you describe your particular situation, they may intimate that you only have one side of the story or may be making too many assumptions. That's not easy to hear and makes the space feel less safe, but it still may be helpful advice. The person whom you give your trust may care enough about your safety to say something that makes you feel unsafe, for the time being.
Alternatively, that same person could choose to offer a safe space for you to be heard without offering advice, and you may leave the conversation not knowing if they were pleasing or yes-manning you. In that case, temporary safety may be available, but you may be worse off in the long run.
You could also be the kind of person who through voicing concerns understands them better and figures out what to do. In that case, a listening ear may be all you need.
There's an argument that can be made for either trust or safety, but what I learned through exploring this topic in academic articles, pop literature and media, and discussions with other coaches and leaders, is that you can be proactive and create trust or safety more than simply expecting it to be there. Below are the two recurring themes I uncovered.
1. Intention
The first theme that may engender trust or safety is revealing your intention in advance.
For example, if you know you learn through voicing your concerns and mainly need a listening ear, you can let the other person know that by saying:
"I just want to vent, or talk this out, do you mind hearing me out first?"
The other person can then play the role of the active listener or choose a better time to talk when he or she will be less distracted, or even recommend someone who is a great listener.
On the other hand, if you need someone to help you problem-solve, and you're seeking advice, you could let the other person know that by saying:
"Can I get your advice on something? It'd be great to work on this together."
Now you empower the other person to interrupt freely, seek clarification, offer recommendations, all in the flow of conversation.
A little self-awareness is necessary here, to know what you need in a situation. In the "talk it out" example you may not even need someone else, and could journal, sketch, or outline your situation to provide a clearer picture for yourself.
In the "problem-solving" example, you could also outline the question for yourself first and seek advice if you need it.
In fact, this essay was a result of the latter approach, where first I outlined the question and tackled it on my own, realizing later that I needed further support and spoke to other coaches and leaders to help me clarify my thoughts.
2. Self-trust or Self-safety
The second theme that can engender trust or safety may be trusting or feeling safe in yourself and your capabilities. It's an inner stance from which you act - by working through something yourself, knowing your limits, learning what energizes you, and seeking support knowing you've done your best up to that point.
You bring a quality and standard to your own work that you know how to create, and work with others to uplift you even further.
Trusting and feeling safe in your own work and abilities can also have a contagious effect - others trust you and feel safe around you. "Leadership" may enter the equation here, but could be defined differently, a "leader" being someone who trusts themselves to put out great work, knowing that a community of peers can make their work even better.
This quality can empower those around you to also trust in themselves and feel safe in and of themselves.
And if each party comes to the other trusting oneself, that can engender a powerful place from which to create, build and grow an organization.
Concluding thoughts
Perhaps trust and safety are not so much qualities one expects of a situation or person, but that can be created through intention and self-acknowledgment. They're not demanded of each other or the culture of a company, as much as created through greater self-awareness and understanding.
I am still working through this and it has spurred wonderfully potent conversations. Thank you Avi!
Let's say you were in a difficult situation where you needed help, and reached out to a colleague or friend for advice. You may trust their expertise, knowledge, or connections, but do they have to be a person that creates a safe space? For example, as you describe your particular situation, they may intimate that you only have one side of the story or may be making too many assumptions. That's not easy to hear and makes the space feel less safe, but it still may be helpful advice. The person whom you give your trust may care enough about your safety to say something that makes you feel unsafe, for the time being.
Alternatively, that same person could choose to offer a safe space for you to be heard without offering advice, and you may leave the conversation not knowing if they were pleasing or yes-manning you. In that case, temporary safety may be available, but you may be worse off in the long run.
You could also be the kind of person who through voicing concerns understands them better and figures out what to do. In that case, a listening ear may be all you need.
There's an argument that can be made for either trust or safety, but what I learned through exploring this topic in academic articles, pop literature and media, and discussions with other coaches and leaders, is that you can be proactive and create trust or safety more than simply expecting it to be there. Below are the two recurring themes I uncovered.
1. Intention
The first theme that may engender trust or safety is revealing your intention in advance.
For example, if you know you learn through voicing your concerns and mainly need a listening ear, you can let the other person know that by saying:
"I just want to vent, or talk this out, do you mind hearing me out first?"
The other person can then play the role of the active listener or choose a better time to talk when he or she will be less distracted, or even recommend someone who is a great listener.
On the other hand, if you need someone to help you problem-solve, and you're seeking advice, you could let the other person know that by saying:
"Can I get your advice on something? It'd be great to work on this together."
Now you empower the other person to interrupt freely, seek clarification, offer recommendations, all in the flow of conversation.
A little self-awareness is necessary here, to know what you need in a situation. In the "talk it out" example you may not even need someone else, and could journal, sketch, or outline your situation to provide a clearer picture for yourself.
In the "problem-solving" example, you could also outline the question for yourself first and seek advice if you need it.
In fact, this essay was a result of the latter approach, where first I outlined the question and tackled it on my own, realizing later that I needed further support and spoke to other coaches and leaders to help me clarify my thoughts.
2. Self-trust or Self-safety
The second theme that can engender trust or safety may be trusting or feeling safe in yourself and your capabilities. It's an inner stance from which you act - by working through something yourself, knowing your limits, learning what energizes you, and seeking support knowing you've done your best up to that point.
You bring a quality and standard to your own work that you know how to create, and work with others to uplift you even further.
Trusting and feeling safe in your own work and abilities can also have a contagious effect - others trust you and feel safe around you. "Leadership" may enter the equation here, but could be defined differently, a "leader" being someone who trusts themselves to put out great work, knowing that a community of peers can make their work even better.
This quality can empower those around you to also trust in themselves and feel safe in and of themselves.
And if each party comes to the other trusting oneself, that can engender a powerful place from which to create, build and grow an organization.
Concluding thoughts
Perhaps trust and safety are not so much qualities one expects of a situation or person, but that can be created through intention and self-acknowledgment. They're not demanded of each other or the culture of a company, as much as created through greater self-awareness and understanding.
I am still working through this and it has spurred wonderfully potent conversations. Thank you Avi!
Sources
Nowack, Kenneth; Radecki, Dan. "Introduction to the special issue: Neuro-Mythconceptions in Consulting Psychology - Between a Rock and a Hard Place." Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research. 2018. Vol. 70, No 1, 1-10.
Roussin, Christopher. "Increasing Trust, Psychological Safety, and Team Performance Through Dyadic Leadership Discovery." Small Group Research. 2008. Vol 39, No. 2, 224-248.
TED Radio Hour: Trust & Consequences
Simon Sinek: Why Good Leaders Make Your Feel Safe
Psychological Safety: The Secret Weapon of Awesome Teams
High-Performing Teams Need Psychological Safety: Here's How To Create It
Candid Conversations: Understanding Psychological Safety
Roussin, Christopher. "Increasing Trust, Psychological Safety, and Team Performance Through Dyadic Leadership Discovery." Small Group Research. 2008. Vol 39, No. 2, 224-248.
TED Radio Hour: Trust & Consequences
Simon Sinek: Why Good Leaders Make Your Feel Safe
Psychological Safety: The Secret Weapon of Awesome Teams
High-Performing Teams Need Psychological Safety: Here's How To Create It
Candid Conversations: Understanding Psychological Safety